Welcome to Grump Bag

Spunking in the face of society since 2008
Feel free to have a poke around the mind of a madman

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Paranoid Pat

The trouble with retirement is it’s a bit like waiting to die, really. It’s as if ever since Roy passed away, ive lost my will to live. Sometimes I just sit and stare out of the window, watching the trees swaying in the wind.

Just staring,


Just staring really.

I wonder if when the cold sets in jack frost might just take my life away....

I watched Family Fortunes the other day. That Vernon Kay is a nice chap.

- Strong, firm buttocks.

Sometimes the local youths play outside, thumping their footballs against my garden wall, destroying my geraniums.

There was this one occasion when, I heard this great big knock on the front door, and so i peered, ever so carefully, through the spy hole. There these two great big coloured boys stood, loitering in the pathway. Thier skin was a black as the night sky.

"Get out of the house!"They shouted,

Banging on the door, like great big ghastly monsters.

"Your roof is on fire! Youre roof is on fire!

-"You need to open the door now!"

Good lord, I thought. They must have been after my collection of china thimbles.

As my Roy always said: “if the chaps’ black, suspect an attack.”

And so I just stood there, in the hallway, staring at my ornamental golden labradours.

It took the fire fighters six and a half hours to rescue me from the blaze,
But at least I still have my dignity.

1 comment:

Ian Dorking-Clark said...

Straight through to my stomach. I loved it.